The Chris Thorndyke Show!
by Greene Earth Productions
Summary: My parody series of Sonic X, named after Chris because of an old joke me and my friends would always make about how he's the show's real main character, we'd say "This isn't SONIC, it's The Chris Thorndyke Show!", because the show's formula during the first season was: Chris screws around for twenty minutes, then Sonic comes to the rescue during the last two minutes, happy ending.
1. Episode 1

The following story is the first episode of my video series 'The Chris Thorndyke Show' in text format, there is a video format version of the episode on my youtube channel and p-a-t-r-e-o-n (for some reason the site deletes it if it's just one whole word) page if you wish to watch it instead, otherwise please read onwards and enjoy.

(Edit: I tried to give you a link to the video version, but no links allowed, **_thanks, fanfic site._** )

Episode Description:

YEAH, BABAY! LET'S LAUNCH THIS CAREER!

SOOOOOONIC and friends have been launched into a whole new world, the world of a young rich ginger-brunette boy named CHRIS THORNDYKE! OH WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!?

This is the first episode of many, my (many!) adoring fans, I swear to you, we will see many epic adventures and even more hilarious cringe-worthy FAILS as we make our way through THE, ENTIRE, SERIES!

The Episode:

 _ **Greene Earth**_

 _ **Productions**_

(The following is a fan-based parody, parodies are protected under Fair Use, there will be credits at the end for copyright owners.)

 **Location: Eggman Base #47, Mobius.**

 **Time/Date: 12:34-AM, April 20, 1985.**

We find Big the Cat and Froggy fishing together under a full moon.

 _HEY BIG GUY, HEY LITTLE GUY, CAN YOU TELL ME WHO CAME FIRST!? SORRY, BUT I DON'T KNOW-_ Lazy Days, their theme music, blasts, cutting off as Big looks into the distance and spots the main tower of Eggman Base #47.

A single searchlight on the tower flashes to life, but is quickly snuffed out, "Whoops...!" Eggman's voice comments "almost forgot to turn on the music." he flips a switch.

E.G.G.M.A.N. begins playing as the light comes back on, followed by it's fellows, Sonic the Hedgehog's feet patter in the distance, the entire base goes into alert mode, drone sentries are rolled out and the ballistic missile systems become operational, gates are closed and reinforced.

Sonic directs himself in a sweep around the side of the base, the drone sentries open fire, Sonic grins, he enjoys the danger.

The ballistic missile systems go ballistic, firing dozens of rockets from several sources, their tails streaking across in sky in an awe-inspiring show of power, truly the Eggman Empire is a miracle of military might, the missiles' trajectories curve to home in on their target, but Sonic outruns them, staying ahead while they explode into the ground behind.

Egged on by adrenaline, Sonic makes a daring move and runs right up into the face of a sentry, leaping into the air and hopping off of it's top, using consecutive jumps Sonic builds up the momentum to leap over the outermost gate and into the base's inner field, larger guard robots activate and ambush Sonic, who simply runs away, they give chase after him.

CUE THE THEME SONG.

(It's the Chris Thorndyke Show!

It's the Chris Thorndyke Show!

It's, the, Chris, Thorn, Dyke, Show!)

My name is Thorndyke,

I am Chris Thorndyke,

and this is MY world!

(In his wooooorld...!)

That's Eggman!

Sonic is a hedge-hog,

from another wor-rld,

yeah!

And he's all mine!

He's all mine.

That's Knuckles!

And together, we can, de-feat anyone,

even if it's Egggggggmaaaaaan!

Buuuuuut, even moooooore,

importantly,

they, can't keep,

Sonic away from me!

And with all our love, and, his speeeeeed,

none of the villains, will ever leeead,

MY WORLD!

(In his wooooorld...!)

(It's the Chris Thorndyke Show!

It's the Chris Thorndyke Show!

It's, the, Chris, Thorn, Dyke, Show!)

You better get used to my voice!

That was the theme song.

(Note: I had intended to have the words 'THEME SONG' in 'CUE THE THEME SONG' hyperlink to my video of the theme song, but turns out I can't put hyperlinks in the stories, that sucks, there goes a ton of hilarious gags, as well as all the times I'll reference another one of my stories and would LIKE to link to them.)

Sonic runs throughout the base with the large robots chasing him to the epic beat of Final Egg Music 2, he runs onto a panel with an Eggman face and it suddenly springs up and sends him flying back, one of the robots punches him, Sonic doesn't lose his rings due to _not bringing any with him like an idiot,_ so it hurts really bad and he flies off into the distance.

 _Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!_ Sonic's airplane, the Tornado, flies in to join the fray, piloted by Miles "Tails" Prowler and passangered by Amy Rose.

"Here I come, Soniiiiiic...!" Tails announces.

 _ **PSHT-PSHT-**_ "AHHHHHH!" the side of the Tornado is quickly shot twice, Amy screams and hunkers down.

"Tails! we're on fire!" Amy exclaims as she notices the billowing smoke, the foxy pilot doesn't immediately respond, "...Tails?" she looks at him.

"I k-know god damn it! shut up!" Tails snaps, his harsh words tripping over themselves a bit due to his mind racing to figure out a way to regain control of the situation.

Tails knows that Sonic doesn't have any rings, so he decides to get that out of the way now and shoots a missile of his own, one carrying a ring, after Sonic, hoping that the hedgehog can manage to not get himself killed long enough for Tails to take care of the whole plane-is-on-fire problem.

Sonic eagerly grabs the ring and immediately becomes overconfident due to his newfound safety, (in my version of the show the rings act like they do in the games and not like they do in the original version of the show because rings powering Sonic up and 'allowing' him to curl into a ball is BULLSHIT), he comes spinning back with even less caution than he had on his first attempt, chuckling unlike Knuckles the whole way, he smashes some of the sentries then grinds his way through two of the large robots, one of them pins him against the ground, but he tears through it easily and shoots high up towards the main tower, smashing through one of the searchlights.

Meanwhile, Tails tries desperately to land the Tornado without crashing, the plane's wheels hit the ground but it's momentum pushes them along further, Amy shuts her eyes at first but then opens them in time to see them heading straight towards a large outcrop of rock.

"TAILS!" Amy cries "we're about to get rocked!"

" _Urrrrrrrrrrrrgh!_ " Tails is annoyed with her horrible pun "NOT NOW-!"

 _SMASH!_ something shatters the rock, clearing their path.

Tails grinds the brakes and turns the plane, making them finally come to a halt, he looks back at the rock debris and smiles wide and what he sees, "Ahhh..." Tails breathes "thanks, Knuckles!" he greets his echidna buddy.

Knuckles just frowns at them, then turns away.

"He never smiles." Amy comments, unhappy.

"...yes he has." Tails counters "I've seen him smile before."

The music stops as Knuckles stares at the distant base.

"I have a bad feeling about this..." the tough guy huffs.

Meanwhile, inside the base...

 _PHOOM-PHOOM-PHOOM-CRSH._ lockdown mode engages, doors sealing everywhere.

"Doctor Eggman, Sir!" Decoe whines, a little panicked "Sonic is breaking through everything, thanks to Tails, we can't keep him out much longer!"

"Blast that Tails, and his hedgehog sidekicks!" Eggman curses, "...hm?" he realizes Cream, who he has captured, is staring at him.

"Mister Eggman, Sir? why are you always so mean?" Cream questions.

"Chao! Chao!" Cheese adds.

"How kind of you to ask." Eggman grins, holding up the red chaos emerald "it's power my dear, pure, unadulterated, _powarr._ "

"I thought great power came with great responsibility..." Cream's confused.

"Chao!" Cheese.

"Well, Cream, that's true, I do have a great responsibility." Eggman's voice agrees while the camera pans over Rouge up above "it's not going to be easy, running an empire as large and great as mine, the first-"

 _PTSHHH!_ Eggman's interrupted as the wall behind him explodes, he turns to find Sonic standing in the hole, smiling.

"Sonic!" Eggman reacts, "...I've won." he grins.

 _Swoosh-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat-pat!_ Eggman sticks the red chaos emerald into a central machine and pats it's case closed while gruffly muttering "there-there-there-there-there-huh!" he finishes, turning to Sonic and holding a button attached to a wire attached to the machine, leaning on the panel in order to look cool.

"HA! I have all the emeralds, Sonic, and with a single push of this button, Cream and Cheese will be squashed into Cream Cheese!" Eggman brags and threatens.

Sonic frowns, "...guess I'll just have to scramble myself an egg salad first." he smiles.

Eggman stares at him, cringing.

Sonic stares back.

Eggman.

Sonic.

Eggman.

Sonic, with a robot creeping up behind him.

"You..." Eggman starts, trying to hold back his excitement "you'll die for that terrible joke."

 _PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW!_ the robot opens fire, Sonic grins as he dodges the shots and runs along the wall.

"Sick 'em! sick 'em!" Eggman orders the robot enthusiastically.

 _PEW-_ _PEW-_ _PEW-_ _PEW-_ _PEW-_ "ACK!" the bullets fire dangerously close to Rouge, who flinches away.

"Keep shooting at that hedgehog no matter what!" Eggman orders.

 _Pt._ Sonic drops down right between Eggman and the robot.

Tense silence as the robot takes aim.

"A-actually on second thought-!" Eggman tries to stop this disaster.

 _PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW!_ Sonic leaps away and Eggman hits the dirt to avoid being shot full of holes, the bullets instead rattle all over his central machine.

"SONIC! I _**WILL**_ push this button!" Eggman roars, furious and a little scared.

 _Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!_ Eggman notices the damaged machine is fizzing with escaping energy, "awwwwwwwwwwww, _shit._ " he expresses his displeasure.

"Doctor!?" Decoe calls as he and Bocoe watch in horror, Sonic takes a protective stance in front of Cream.

 _ **PSHH-TZ-TZ-TZ-TZ-TZ-TZ-PSSSHWOOO!**_ beams of chaos energy pierce out of the tower in many directions before the entire thing explodes.

"W-what's happening!?" Amy gasps as she and Tails stare at the explosion in shock.

"I knew this would go wrong somehow..." Knuckles comments, watching stoically.

The explosion spreads and quickly engulfs the three of them.

 _HEY BIG GUY, HEY LITTLE GUY, CAN YOU-_ sounds and cuts off while Big and Froggy are also absorbed into the blast radius.

...

Sonic groans as he blinks open his eyes, his mind numb but quickly clearing as he regains consciousness, he sits upright and shakes his head, "Wuhhh, what happened?" he questions dizzily.

 _Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-_ "WAH! AH-AH!" Sonic reacts as a car comes right at him and he scurries to avoid it, he barely has a second to catch his breath before a second car follows up, he dodges that with a yelp as well, a third vehical, this one a really big truck, stops right before running his skinny little hedgehog ass over, cars from all side come to a halt and collectively honk their horns in annoyance.

Sonic breathes in awe as he looks around and finds himself in the middle of a sprawling city, with bright neon lights, tall skyscrapers, and bustling crowds of people, people who now stopped to stare at him, he could hear them, muttering, "What is he? where did he come from?"

"W-what the-where am I!?" Sonic _forces_ the words out. (cheap Sonic Forces reference lol)

The people just stare, Sonic's brows curve with frustration and fear.

"Oh my god, people...!" somebody in the crowd starts.

"...THAT'S JESUS!" a bus driver finishes, two cops running past.

"W-what...?" Sonic's just confused, then turns to see the two cops in front of him.

"You're under arrest for disturbing traffic, uh..." Blonde Cop starts but is surprised by how strange Sonic looks "hey..."

"Funny lookin' kid, ain't he?" Fat Cop comments, both cops assumed Sonic is just a human child because they're dumb as **dumber than** rocks.

"Yeah, his parents must really, really be somethin'...!" Blonde Cop trails off into chuckling unlike Knuckles.

Sonic folds his arms, unimpressed.

"Aww, I think you up-hurt-set him." Fat Cop's brain couldn't decide in time whether to say 'upset him' or 'hurt his feelings' and as a result winds up mixing them together.

"Tch, well I guess he's just gonna have to _deal with it!_ " Blonde Cop finishes quickly as he tries to tackle Sonic, who dodges effortlessly.

"HEY!" Fat Cop shouts, pulling out his club because this fat fuck is ready for some police brutality, but is stopped by a spluttering third cop, this one the chief.

"Calm down, he's just a kid...!" Chief Cop orders "use your words!", he then addresses Sonic with a smile, "please come with us, okay?" he requests as more cops get behind Sonic "we're not gonna hurt you, I promise-GET IM!" all the cops lunge.

"I got him!" one cop announces from the police pile.

"I got him too!" another cop cheers.

"Ahh, I think we all got him!" Chief Cop states "now, let's _errah!_ " he pulls.

 _Wirrrl!_ all the cops just pull on each other and spin around, landing on their asses with grunts.

Sonic, who's sitting on a car watching this trainwreck, shrugs at their hopelessness.

 _Whip!_ a younger cop catches Sonic from behind with his net.

"I got 'im, boss!" Young Cop grins.

 _Whoosh-_ "EEICK!" Sonic runs, pulling Young Cop along, all the other cops grab on as they pass by, Sonic just drags them all, inadvertently heading straight towards an oncoming police car.

 _Rrrrrr-screeeeeeeeeeeech!_ the driving officer turns and stops the car, Sonic hops over it and in the process of doing so sends his tail of officers flailing into the car through the window.

"Ughhh...!" Chief Cop grunts as he grabs the radio communicator "WE NEED BACKUP, we've lost control of the situation...!" he stresses while Sonic runs away.

Meanwhile...

We find two new cops driving together down the road in their squad car.

"So did you hear about the new Lindsay Thorndyke movie?" Driver Cop asks.

"Ahh!" Passanger Cop breathes relaxfully "sure did, it's supposed to be coming out pretty soon..." he opens his eyes and turns to his partner "think this is the one where they'll finally show her tits?"

"Just having her in a catsuit or bikini would make my day!" Driver Cop smiles and closes his eyes, imagining Lindsay Thorndyke in a sexy bikini.

 _BOOM._ there's a thud, both cops look in surprise to see Sonic standing on the hood of the car.

"Hey, kids, it's time for a Sonic Sez: Sonic Sez this place blows!" Sonic addresses his imaginary audience before stepping down onto the road and dashing off ahead into the distance.

The cops stare wide-eyed after him.

"So... uh... what were we talking about?" Passenger Cop's mind is blank from stun.

"Lindsay Thorndyke's boobies." Driver Cop answers meekly.

Soon...

 _Chop-chop-chop-chop-chop-chop-chop-chop-chop-chop._ a helicopter searches the road and spots Sonic.

"We've found it, that's definately no kid, sarge." Pilot #1 reports over the radio.

"Look at it go! it must be a new type of unmanned robot." Pilot #2 breathes.

They watch Sonic run in their searchlight.

"We'll find out what it is when we catch it, I'm setting up a road block, keep on it for now." Sarge orders from the station.

At the Road Block...

Cops stand around, waiting for Sonic, one guy smacks his lips out of boredom.

 _Pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-_ _pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-_ _pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-WHOOSH!_ Sonic comes running and leaps up into the air above the road block.

"JUMP DASH, BITCHES!" Sonic taunts as he jump-dashes over the entire roadblock, landing down on the other side and continuing to run away into the distance.

"Well, uh, he came, heh-heh-heh, and now he's gone..." the lead cop at the roadblock reports nervously over the radio.

"I think we're gonna need some serious backup for this one, Boss." Pilot #1 adds.

"For real!? ugggh... fine." Sarge groans, then turns his seat around to look at a man with beautiful ginger hair "you're up, Thorndyke."

"Tch, it's about time, you should've sent me out first, I've got nothing better to do..." Sam Thorndyke comments smugly "alright, team, LET'S ROLL OUT."

 _Woooooo!_ a line-up of guys in red and white suits, lead by Sam, march together, they are... the S-Team.

 _Oh, so sexy, ohhh yeah, ohhh some sexy men, awww yeah, we're the sexy men, ohhh yeah, I'm the sexy man, awww yeah...!_ Sam grooves to himself in his head.

We find a bunch of mechanics putting Sam's car together.

"Is she ready for me, lackey?" Sam demands as he arrives.

"Yes, Mr. Thorndyke, Sir! go get 'em for us!" the lead mechanic sucks up to the boss.

Thanks... I, just gotta put my helmet on..." Sam realizes, finishing his gear "proper safety, just like I always teach my nephew."

Sam then slowly gets into the seat of his car, groaning and moaning relaxfully as he sits back and lets the lackies do his seat belt and everything for him.

 _Bloop... bloop... bloop._ notifications about the car's systems pop up on the monitor.

"Wow, Sam, your car is so amazing..." Sam's #1 fanboy gushes "hey, at top speed, doesn't it almost break the sound barrier?"

"Yep." Sam gives him a thumbs-up.

 _VRRRRRRrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooom._ Sam revs the engine up.

"I'm ready." Sam is so ready for this.

The cars slowly pull out of the station and turn onto the main road, Sam's given a countdown from three, and upon the end of which he and others floor the gas and take off into the night.

Meanwhile, on the edge of town...

Sonic stares up at the full moon above him, sad and confused.

"Where am I? what happened to my memories?" Sonic laments.

"Last thing... I remember is... Eggman's machine going haywire... and... exploding..." his voice continues over flashback clips of the chaos energy explosion that engulfed Eggman Base #47 and the surrounding countryside.

 _HEY BIG GUY, HEY LITTLE GUY, CAN YOU-_ sounds and cuts off during the clip where Big and Froggy are also absorbed into the blast radius.

"After that it's all a blank, until I woke up here..." Sonic finishes.

Long, thoughtful pause.

Sonic sniffs back a tear.

"Well... if I'm alive, chances are the others are too!" Sonic gets to his feet, trying to stay positive "I just need to find them, I'll run all over this strange new world if I have to."

Bright headlights shine as the S-Team's patrol cars arrive, pulling to a stop a short ways from Sonic, who stares at them in wonder.

 _Tsssh._ Sam's car's hood pulls up and he steps out, "Hello there, Mr. Robot." Sam greets Sonic friendlily.

Sonic doesn't smile back, instead he starts to turn away.

"Hey! hold on, errrah..." Sam breathes as he takes off his helmet "where are you off to in such a hurry?"

Sonic stops and stares back at Sam, after a moment he turns back towards him again.

"Not the talkitive type, huh? well then, I'll introduce myself." Sam offers.

Sonic smiles at this, putting his hands on his hips expectantly.

Sam smirks back, "I'm Sam Thorndyke."

"I guess you could say I own these streets, or at least my sister and cousin do, they made me their Chief of Private Security, me and the police keep the streets safe, see." Sam explains "of course, you've met the police already, right? they didn't give you much trouble, fat, slow, poorly trained, the police force is a disgrace to this fine city."

Sam leans forward, his brows curving with determination, "But I'm not."

"So you have a choice, you can either surrender and come quietly, or my boys and I will chase you down, lock you up, and take you back to headquarters by force." Sam lays Sonic's options out for him "how do you answer, Mr. Robot?

Crickets chirp as Sonic stares back at him, smiling.

"I take that as a no, get him, boys." Sam orders.

 _VRRROOOM-_ "*gasp*!" Sonic turns and runs while they rev their engines back to life.

 _Vrrrooom-vrrrooom._ the other S-Team members take chase, leaving Sam behind.

"Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm...!" Sam hums to himself, amused.

The fast-paced rhythm of Speed Highway kicks into gear as the S-Team cars keep close to Sonic.

"Heh-heh-heh-heh, they're actually keeping up? well consider me impressed!" Sonic remarks to himself, excited.

"Comence with surround formation!" one S-Team member commands.

"Rodger!" another confirms.

Both cars drive up to match Sonic, running next to him on either side.

"Now we're talking! how fast can you guys go!?" Sonic's ecstatic.

The other two cars join and the four of them surround the hedgehog on all sides.

"Oh-no! I'm trapped, whatever will I do!?" Sonic mockingly whines, "heh-heh-heh-heh!" he whips out of sight.

"He disappeared!?" the right S-Team member can't believe it.

 _Tap-tap!_ Sonic taps on the opposite side of his window, "Hee-hee!" the slippery hedgehog whips away again and leaps onto the roof of the front S-Team member.

"Huh!? get off of there! this is exclusive property of Thorndyke Industries you're standing on!" the front S-Team member protests.

"Uh-oh! Sonic Sez never talk to strangers, Kids!" Sonic teaches his imaginary audience, laughing some more as he hops down and runs ahead.

"Grrrrrr! I'll smash that 'bot to pieces!" the front S-Team member growls "I just need moooooore SPEEEEEEEEEEEED!" he pushes his car to the limit.

"This is intense! I don't think we've ever needed to go this fast before! I'm flooring it with all she's got just to keep up!" the left S-Team member huffs in awe as he does the same.

"I've got you, ROOOBOOOOOOT-*gasp*!" the front S-Team member is shocked.

"IM-IMPOSSIBLE!" he shouts as he finds Sonic running backwards ahead of him, keeping out of reach effortlessly while the Speed Shoes music cheers "he's toying with us! Sam, I'm... no match, you need to take over, clear the way, boys!"

Speed Highway's tunes start up again as the four S-Team members pull over to the edges of the road, leaving the path between them open and free for Sam to pass through.

"You're the only one with a chance at this, show him everything you've got!" the back S-Team member encourages.

"Don't worry, I've got this." Sam brags "no robot is a match for me, I just need to break out the _nuclear fusion._ " he pulls a switch.

Inside Sam's engine, a nuclear fusion reactor comes to life, it compresses a cylinder of hydrogen atoms to fuse them together, the resulting energy burst explodes out of the back of Sam's car, propelling him past his teammates.

"Whoa!" Sonic yelps as he barely avoids getting run over, Sam speeds off ahead, leaving the hedgehog in his dust.

"Ha-ha-ha-HA!" Sam laughs triumphantly "oh my god, I passed him, like it was nothing! my top speed is insurpassable! I'm practically as fast as sound! no little robot with feet could ever-"

 _ **BOOM-**_ _ **BOOM-BOOM.**_ replays as Sonic catches up to him, _WHOOOOOOSH!_ the hedgehog becomes a bright blue streak that stretches on far into the distance.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT THING!?" it happened so fast that Sam doesn't even realize that the blue streak was Sonic.

"Sam! you need to stop! you're about to run out of road!" the left S-Team member warns him.

"What!? OOMPH!" Sam barely snaps out of his shock and hits the brakes, coming to a halt before the end of the road while Sonic uses it like a ramp to shoot off into the sky, flying over a field of wind turbines, the force of his speed is enough to kick up a wind so powerful that the turbines begin spinning like crazy, overflowing the city with excess electricity.

Sonic looks down into the bright lights of the city below as the level complete music plays, "I'm literally so fuckin' high right now...!" he jokes, looking over his shoulder to call back at the S-Team "catch ya' later, chumps! ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Sam glares after him, defeated.

"Okay, there's road I can land on, there's grass I can land on, there's... water... and I'm heading straight for it..." Sonic observes his landing options, then looks at the camera "Sonic, Sez..."

"Erh-erh-erh-erh-erh-erh-erh-erh-erh-erh-erh-!" he struggles and fails to change his course "...Marco Polo!" he finishes.

 _Zip-_ "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sonic screams as he plummets towards the water of a backyard pool on an estate with a huge mansion.

 _SPPPSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_ the splash he makes is huge.

"Whaaa...?" inside the mansion, a young boy wakes up from the noise.

 _Mmph!_ Sonic tries to jump out of the pool, but it's too deep and clean for him to get out that easily, he just sinks back down, stunned.

 _Okay, stay calm, Sonic, look around-THERE!_ he thinks, spotting a ladder, _heh, problem solved, just get up, walk over to the ladder and... uh... ermm, ERRRMMM!_ he finds that walking along the bottom of the pool doesn't work, his feet just slide uselessly and he moves nowhere.

"Hello...?" the young boy breathes as he pulls open his bedroom curtains and looks down at the backyard.

He spots something in the pool.

"Huh-huh-huh!" he breathes as he runs out of his room and through the mansion "I'm gonna go look around, no time to get a grown-up, whatever it was might be gone by then!"

Things are deadly quiet outside.

"Hello!? is there anyone out here!?" the boy's ear-grindingly awful voice squeaks as he exits the mansion.

 _This is NOT how water worked before! I've always been able to run along the bottom of it, Labyrinth Zone! Aquatic Ruin Zone! Hydrocity Zone! MMMRRRRRRMMMMMM._ Sonic thinks furiously as he struggles to run to the ladder while the drowning music plays.

 _SPISH!_ the young boy dives into the water from above.

 _What the-!?_ Sonic thinks in surprise.

The young boy grabs his hand and swims back towards the surface, they burst out of the water and onto the side of the pool together, the drowning music stops aruptly.

"UH, KAH, KAH, UH, AH, UH, KAH, KAH!" Sonic coughs "ugggh...!"

"Oh my god! are you okay!?" the boy demands, worried.

"Yeah, I'm alright..." Sonic smiles slyly, trying to look cool.

The boy stares at him intensely, "...you're beautiful."

"...thanks for noticing." Sonic answers awkwardly.

Long, awkward silence.

"So, I'm Chris Thorndyke." the boy breaks the silence "what's your name?"

"Thorndyke?" Sonic repeats "...that name sounds familiar."

*The screen goes to black.*

"My Dad owns a company named Thorndyke Industries." Chris suggests.

"Oh..." Sonic thinks back "...that's probably it."

 **Credits!**

Voices: Brandon and Pand.

Writen by: Brandon Bullock.

Story Consultant: Pand.

Improv'ed Sound Effects: Brandon.

All footage from Sonic X, as well as Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters are the property of SEGA, Sonic Team, and Yugi Naka, as a massive Sonic fan myself, I encourage everyone to please support the official release.

'The Chris Thorndyke Show' is a fan-based parody and protected under fair use, all voice clips and sound effects via my voice are mine.

All music used (with the occasional exception) is property of SEGA and their respective muscians, same with sound effects from Sonic games used.

The lyrics of 'The Chris Thorndyke Show Theme' is my property, however the instrumental music used in it is 'Sonic Drive' and belongs to SEGA.

THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.

If you like my work, please support me on p-a-t-r-e-o-n so I'll have the funds and time to create more 'The Chris Thorndyke Show' and many, many other fun stories like it, also, visit my website! it will have exclusive stories not found on Youtube or here.

Also, since I just recently came out, my channel is incredibly small and unknown at this time, so if you could introduce my content to your friends or spread the knowledge of my existance in any other way, I promise you that it would be VERY much appreciated! thank you again!

Go to my YouTube channel or my profile on this site if you want to browse through the other amazing and hilarious stories of GREENE EARTH PRODUCTIONS.


	2. Episode 2

If you enjoyed that episode, please continue to watch the series in video format, at the time of this chapter's publishment Episodes Two, Three, and Four are already finished and uploaded, Episode Five is coming soon.

I thought about writing text versions of them as well, but it's too much effort for too little gain, you see, it took me about ten or eleven hours to write the Episode One text version, it's a long and tedious process due to it being me just rewriting something that I've already written, I have to watch a clip from the video, write down what happens, make sure I get every little word of dialogue correct and that it matches up with it's corresponding punctuation, think carefully about how to describe the visual objects and actions, it's a horrible drag, and all for a worded adaptation of a twenty-three minute video that I had previously poured days of work into itself. (these issues only bigger with the following episodes, which are longer, more detailed, and required more effort to create the video versions of.)

Doing Episode One is justifiable thanks to two reasons, 1: to draw in viewers from the Sonic fanfic community, (who I have been a part of for many years as an anonymous viewer, I haven't had an account to post anything until recently, just wanna mention that so you guys don't think I'm some sleazy outsider looking to cash in on an audience from a demographic that I have no ties to, the Sonic fanfic community is my favorite part of the Sonic fandom, we're the truly dedicated fans mah bruddas and sistahs), and 2: the video version of Episode One is kinda crappy, I had a very weak idea of what I was doing most of the time while creating it, I had just gotten the new equipment and hadn't learnt most of it's little tricks and kinks yet, the videos get much better very quickly, just Episode Two is a massive step up in video and audio quality from Episode One, and by Episode Three I've essentially got it down, there's _really_ no need for me to write text versions of the episodes following Episode One because the video versions are already near-perfect. (I personally think Episode Three is the best Episode so far, 10/10.)

However, I'll still post the scripts for the videos here for you to read if you wish, they consist of basically nothing but raw dialogue, the speaking character(s) of any given line is hardly ever specified and nothing seperates it from the rest of the lines spoken by other characters, so the script of an episode is practically incoherent without the video footage of the episode itself, but it will give you a better insight as to how I create my content, and if you keep it around while watching it's episode it can act as subtitles!

(Note: when it comes down to it the scripts are really just reminders of the _type_ of thing I was wanting to say, and as such there will often be times where I don't quote them precisely, but I will say something very similar.)

Thank you so much for your time, Dear Readers, from the bottom of my heart.

\- I would put the link to the video version here so you could easily and conveniently check it out if you're interested, but I can't post links in stories. :( Sorry, you're gonna have to google/YouTube search it if you want to watch the video. -

Episode Description:

This is where the story starts to get good, Episode One was mostly an introduction and barely contained any Chris, with him only showing up at the end, this episode however features our annoying hero all throughout!

Episode Script:

And then Missus Mapleberry said that it was my best drawing yet! she was really impressed by my straight lines, it's almost like a hidden talent!

S-she even thinks this might be the year I finally make first grade!

Yeah, Mom, I'm proud of me too!

And then last night, I woke up to the sound of a great big splash, I looked out the window and saw that a strange animal had fallen in the pool!

I.. don't... know, what it was.

But it sure was handsome! whoo boy!

Hmmm...

Okay, goodbye, Mom.

*kiss*

So, uh, how old are you again?

Eleven! but I'm turning twelve soon! how old are you?

...same, only three years more.

Wow! so you're fourteen going on fifteen!? awesome, we're practically the same age!

I doubt that...

Members of my species are considered adults at the age of twelve, you're almost there and yet you're still in kindergarden, members of my species take that when we're a little older than three, so I don't think your species live the same lifespans as us.

Oh, we're not that far.

My species are adults at eighteen, most of us do kindergarden when we're five, but I get to do it over and over again because I'm super special!

Ohhh, okay... I see how it is...

*ring... ring... ring-CLICK*-WHADDA WANT?

Oh, hi, Dad.

...

Oh my god this is taking forever...

No, Dad, she wasn't being sarcastic! she really meant it, this could be my last kindergarden year!

I'm happy too, kindergarden's great, but it would be nice to finally check out this 'first grade' stuff I've heard so much about.

Alright, I know you're busy, goodbye, Dad! ...huh?

...ohhh yeah-UH, I mean, there, now we can keep talking, uh, what was your name again?

Sonic the Hedgehog, that's it, there is no more, I have no embarassing middle name.

Okay then, Sonic, I uh, I brought you this chili, it's leftover from dinner last night, sorry there's no dog.

Hmm... BLAH! this is like, ice cold!

You know it.

Ugh, Chris, I'm a cool guy, but I like my hot foods hot!

Oh, well, I guess I could warm it up, you wanna, uh, come with? heh-heh.

Hrmph, no thanks!

AHHH! where are you going!? come baaack!

Sorry, Chris, but I need to find my friends.

W-w-wwhat freinds!?

Other people who look like me, see ya'!

Wait! no! please! I could help you!

*How could this happen to me...!*

A few minutes later Sonic came back because he's starving and needs to eat, Chris was super happy.

The search continues for this myserious person or machine that wowed the streets late last night.

This is what the arresting officer had to say.

It was about this tall, and, uh, it had hurt feelings.

Eyewitnesses assure that it's apparent speed was very much the real deal.

I totally saw it, I was driving along and it went whoo-oosh, seriously, I'm talkin' whoo-oosh! like a bullet.

Some people have taken up the belief that the strange being is a holy visitor.

I don't see what everybody's freaking out over, it's OBVIOUSLY just our lord and savior Jesus Christ risen from the dead, just like he done said he would do, so what if he looks a little different? ain't the son of God allowed to experiment a little with his appearence? you can still tell it's him, how else could he have outran our police forces? he's got the power of the lord on his side that's what he got.

While others are looking to science for answers.

As the world's leading biologist I can confirm that the existance of such a creature is highly unlikely on our world, but far from impossible, given the right enviorment and ecological pressures such an animal could evolve, but given how we have no knowledge or record of any animal like it I'd conclude that it is in fact a machine, if it is a biological life form then it is most likely of alien origin, in which case this is a massive scientific breakthrough, I would personally love to examine everything about it.

Chris, I heard about what your teacher said, good job, I knew you had it in you this year...

Um? huh?

Regardless of what this thing is, if you see it, contact the authorities immediately.

He's all mine! you can't have him!

*gasp*!

Hmph!

Th-this is...

*gaaaaaaaaaaasp*!

RUN, CHRIS!

AHH!

Grandpa! no! please!

This is the dangerous alien that attacked Uncle Sam last night!

Save yourself, I'll hold it off-huh?

STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY!

No, Grandpa!

The alien... is... my friend!

*GASP*!

Breaking news! new specimens found!

I ... I can't fly anymore, Cheese...

HUH!?

We've been running all night... I give up...

THERE! MY FRIENDS!

What friends?

...

You've got to be fucking kidding me... we COVERED THIS, urgh, whatever! I'm out!

NOOO! come baaack!

*How could this happen to me...!*

About an hour later, Sonic came back due to not finding Cream and Cheese in time, speed is useless without direction after all, after getting to speak with him a bit Chuck chilled out and offered to help our hero, Chris, in assisting his new friend's search.

Mm-hm, of course, I see, yes, thank you very much... Sonic's friends have been arrested and sent to Militry Research Base 99... it's a massive facility where some of the top government scientists work on creating new weapons, as well as experimenting on objects of unknown origin.

Meeeh, doesn't sound too scary.

I mean, how hard can it be to just quickly run in and out of, right?

Well it depends on how many locked doors there are.

Well there will be a lot of them, you can count on that.

The base is very highly secured... and guarded by a small army of almost 2'000 robot sentries and soldiers.

There will be cameras and alarms, trip any and lock-down mode will fuck us in the ass.

Aw please, I've delt with robots before, they're nothing.

Wow, Sonic, you must be a really tough badass!

Damn straight I am! huh... OPEN IT!

I DIDN'T DO IT! I DIDN'T DO IT!

It was meee!

Huh?/huh?

I'm sick of the quiet life, I always wanted to be one of those 'cool' grandpas, the type that go on crazy dangerous adventures and drag their grandkids along for the ride!

Hold on, say what now?

Grab your backpack and grow a pair, Chris, today's the day I finally take you on a real adventure, just like the grandpa on that cartoon show, Ken 10 or whatever.

B-but I don't wanna!

Nonsense! no true grandson of mine would pass this up, it's the chance of a lifetime! now GRAB THAT BACKPACK!

...

You know, I could just, like, run us the way there.

SHUT, UP.

What's this?

Give it to Sonic.

Okay!

Here you go, Grandpa's head smart.

Ummmmmm...

Put it on your head, make sure the red glass is over your right eye.

I call it a 'scouter', it can sense how strong things are, and send radio messages between you and us.

In that case, SEE YA! message me or whatever! whoooooo!

Yaaay!

Such a taste for adventure, it makes me even more excited, YEEESSSSSS! ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

W-what do you want from us? *gasp*! Mother always said not to let strangers take our pictures, now I see why...!

SONIC!

What!?

Just making sure this thing works, also, we're gonna walk you through the process from out here, make sure everything goes down right... okay!?

Whatever...

Oh my god he said 'whatever'! HOW DO I RESPOND!?

Ugh, give me that!

Sonic, this isn't a joke, you're going to need a team behind your back if you want this mission to succeed, haven't you ever played Metal Gear!?

That game scares me!

Fine, I accept your help, going in now!

Sonic? what's happening?

I jumped into an airvent to escape some cameras.

Don't die...!

Owww, the ride grinded my ass all smooth!

Hot damn!

Huh?

What is it?

Laser beams.

Problem solved.

I'm the king of stealth!

Too easy!

I wonder what his ass looks like now...

Begining scanning processes...

I think we're dead, Cheese...!

Psssssst, Sonic... hello... are you there... Sonic... don't you be quiet on me... hello... Sooonic... hey, Sonic, I know you're there, Sonic, Sooonic, I'm gonna start talking dirty to you if you don't respond within five seconds, Sonic, one, two, five, okay, Sonic, you asked for it...

Security!

A power outage!?

*SMASH!*

What the-!?

Our experiment!

Thank y-

SHHH!

Chao!

Ugh...!

Chao-chao-chao!

Over there!

Shit!

I'm sorry!

What is it?

A paper airplane... made out of circuits.

*gasp*! this, this was sabatoge!

This was ALL sabatoge!

Alright, Chris, I've got my friends and I'm coming out.

Yaaaaaay!

I'm so glad you're okay, Mr. Sonic!

Thanks, Cream, I'm glad you're alright too.

Cheese and I were afraid that we were the only ones to wake up in this new world!

I worried about that too.

Huh?

The power's back!

Damn! let's move!

Ahh!

Sooonic! you're ignoring me again!

Fucking shut off the power!

Keep running!

Okay!

I SAID KEEP RUNNING!

Entering lockdown mode!

We're not gonna make it...!

Hang on!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HUH!?

Sonic, what are those?

Huh? huh-huh?

Are they helping us?

Good job, Chuck, come on, Cream!

We're losing all the camera feeds!

What!? the power's out AGAIN!?

The only machines still operating are going haywire!

How strong are these lasers!?

I don't know, 200 or something.

Ahhh!

FLY!

Just fucking fly!

I was flying all night, I'm too tired!

GRRRRRR!

Well, I have pretty much no idea what we're gonna do now, but at least we made it this far, right?

Are there any others with you!?

Nope, but I'm sure we'll find them too... my ears are tingling.

I know that sound... my plane!

He is here!

Tails!

Yo'!

Thank you, Tails! fly us out of here, please.

I saw all three of you on the news... I figured Sonic would also come to the rescue!

OH MY GOD IS THAT THEM!?

That's a very dashing pilot they have!

Hi! my name's Chris Thorndyke, this is my grandfather, Chuck, we helped Sonic find and rescue you.

Nice to meet you, I'm Tails, Sonic's best friend and hero, ain't that right, Sidekick!?

One hundred percent.

Hi, Chris, I'm Cream, and this is my pet Chao, Cheese... we thank you for your help.

Damn straight-I mean, uh, you're very welcome, I'm glad we got you out safely.

Hey, Grandpa! what are you looking at?

These tiny planes are amazing! I've never seen technology like it, did you build them, Tails?

Well, I am an incredible scientist, but these actually weren't me, I was planning to shut off the power in a similar manner, but somebody beat me to it.

Waaait, so me and Grandpa didn't do the planes, and Tails didn't do the planes, well who did the planes then!?

Don't know, but we owe them big time.

BUT I WANNA KNOW RIGHT NOW!

Don't know what to tell you, Chris.

Well, Tails, you're really smart, right?

Maybe we could, uh, figure out these planes together.

I think you'd just slow me down... but I guess we could try.

You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.

Ummm... on second thought, I'm busy, you can just do it by yourself.

Hmph, well the entire reason I was asking was to try to get to know you...

Hee-hee-hee.

So back to the important stuff... how did we get here, and where are the others?

Sonic, any idea how this happened?

Well, Eggman's machine got damaged and exploded, I remember it was running on all seven chaos emeralds at the time, so if that was it...

CHAOS CONTROL!

So, Chaos Control sent us into a different dimension, and now we're on an alternate version of Earth, with over 90% of my army left behind back home...

...it's no matter, I've still got most of my strongest robots, and with any luck that two-tailed pain-in-the-egg won't be around to crack my plans anymore, it's a whole new world, boys! ha-ha-ha-ha!


	3. Episode 3

Episode Description:

Time to wrap up the Launch Trilogy! (we released Episodes One, Two, and Three at the same time)

This time around, Doctor Eggman, Knuckles, and Amy from Episode One find their way to Station Square, where Sonic, Tails, Cream and Cheese are adjusting to their new lives living with our hero, Chris Thorndyke, and his sidekick grandpa, Chuck.

Episode Script:

There she is, boys, a rich and beautiful city, bustling and hustling... ready and waiting to be conquered for my empire.

Here's the list of remaining E-Series robots, Doctor, we still have 31.

Ooh, let's see!

Hmmm...

Not as many as I wanted... heh! but I only need one for this.

Ah! E-023: Missile Wrist! I'll unleash him first.

*laughing and playing*

I hate it down here, can we go up yet?

No, there's more of those people up there.

Maybe they'd be willing to help us out if we'd just try talking to them.

No way! they all look just like Eggman, we can't trust them.

IS THAT WHY WE'RE TRUDGING AROUND DOWN HERE!? you're paranoid!?

I'm not paranoid, Eggman is the only being like them I've ever met, and while he may not be much to go off of, he's a pretty fucking good example of how bad they can be, we're already in a shitty situation, the last thing we need to do right now is take unnessacery risks.

So what, you wanna just wander around aimlessly until we either die or luck out?

You don't have to follow me if you don't want to.

Huh? wait! no, Knuckles, that's not what I meant!

Ohhh, please let us luck out soon...!

*laughing and playing*

*shocked*

AHHHHHH!

Ha-ha-ha! there we go, this should get the attention of the authorities.

The trick is holding your thumb over the hose.

Mm-hm, do you like washing vehicals, Tails?

Not with old men.

Damn it!

Do you like them, Cheese?

MMM-HMM!

I think they're great.

SOOONIC!

Huh?

Chris?

Where's Sonic!?

He left for a run just a few minutes ago, he said he needed space.

What!? but I wasn't done talking with him yet!

Well I think he's done talking with you.

But... we weren't done!

I hate to break it to yah but I don't think Sonic likes you.

THAT'S NOT TRUE! HE LOVES ME!

This is the police, freeze and don't move or we'll shoot.

HE'S RESISTING! FIRE!

Wowwwww, sure is nice to know that they have such an honest police force.

And there he goes, we've done a good thing today, boys-huh?

Every one of my E-Series robots are immune to water AND fire! ...are you ready to give up yet?

Uhh, yeah pretty much.

Too bad, I hate quitters.

Kill them, Missile Wrist.

What!? n-nooo-!

Damn it where are you? we need to make a plan.

SOOOOOONIC!

SOOOOOONIC!

*gaaaaaasp*!

SOOOOOONIC!

Chris, if he's here he's hiding... let's just check somewhere else.

Okay...

huah!

It's so good to be away from that bitch, with all his constantly following me around, grinding my ears with his voice, Sonic this and Sonic that, it drives me insane, the times where he touches me are the worst, it's disgusting, uggghhh, makes me wanna run for the hills... which I did.

*chuckling*

yaaaaaaaaaaaay-OH SHIT-!

Knuckles... I'm dying...

Don't whine, Amy, you'll be alright.

Errrrrrm! hmm...

(Maybe this wouldn't completely suck if we chatted a little, let's start with something about Knuckles to get him interested.)

Hey, Knux? do you have any dreams? any goals in life whatsoever?

(AHHH! why the fuck did I say that? I sounded so rude and invasive!)

Of course I do! don't be silly.

Oh crap! uh, like what!?

Well basically, I sit at the top of my emerald shrine on Angel Island...

And I think to myself:

As far back as I can remember, I've been living here on this dark island, always guardng the master emerald, from anything that could harm it, I don't know why I was given this job, why is was my fate, destined to be here, forever.

Yep, that's all there it to it, I just sit around and write poetry for the rest of my life-*boom*-huh!?

Something's up there!

I wish something exciting would happen for once...

*screaming*

Enough destruction, we'll wait at on the roof of this building.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! look at that, more quitters!

Let's get this show on the road!

Greetings, you pathetic scum! I am Doctor Eggman, the most brilliant scientific genius, in the world! and your new master, starting today you are all new citizens of the glorious Eggman Empire, resistance is futile, I have already massacred a large portion of your city's defenses with zero casulties, surrender now and no further blood shall be spilt, I'm waiting atop a building in the center of the city, send your leaders to me so that they may swear allegience, or else I will continue my path of dectruction, oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

So we meet again, Doctor...!

Okay, Buddy, enough fooling around...

Sounds good to me!

...you killed some of our boys and now we're gonna fuck you up if you don't get your fat ass into our paddywagon.

Hmm, I thought you would be smarter than that, general.

WwwWHAT did you just call me!?

Missile Wrist, target their car. *finger snap*

Now do you see what you're up against?

W-we give up, okay!? just, just keep that thing away from us!

Sorry, General, but you had your chance.

Okay, guys, I'm off to stop Eggman-

HOLD ON, I'M COMING!

*climbing noises*

Chris, what do you think you're doing?

No, no, it's okay.

Yeah! Tails said I could be something called a shock absorber, he needs one.

I hope you have fun.

Oh, I'm gonna have fun... I can't wait to see the look on Eggman's face when he see's me.

Mr. Mayor, I presume?

You presume correctly, Sir... I have come to swear my alligence to your Empire, on one condition.

Condition!? *finger snap*

Sorry... but your surrender will be unconditional.

Understood, Master, we will now surrender unconditionally.

Hmm... (I was kind of enjoying the resistance)

Okay, Missile Wrist, we can pack it up now-EGGMAN!-huh!?

AHHHHHHHHHH-AHH-AHH-AHH-AHHHH!

Grrrrr, AHHH! it's Tails! so, my old nemesis has returned!

New orders, Missile Wrist, blast that two-tailed pest straight out of existance!

Yaaay!

When is SOOOOOONIC goona be here?

Hopefully never, I'd just have to protect him!

Okay, so bullets don't work...

Tails! look!-huh?

Holy shit! this is a first!

Ha-ha-ha, still alive!

It's Tails, in the Tornado!

Knuckles, we need to go help!

Help Tails? are you kidding?

Uck! some friend you are!

Huh!? Amy, waaait! I meant we'd just get in his way!

Great, now Tails will have to protect us, rrrrrr!

Hm?

Amy! Tails has got this, he can't lose!

Urgh, if I was Sonic she'd listen to me...

Like, oh my god, can you believe this? we're Eggman's slaves now, I bet the police force didn't even try, the end times are here, we said that thing was Jesus! but you nonbelievers didn't listen!

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Eggman!? nice try, but I was on TV first.

I need to get in on this!

Where is she!? am I too late?

Oh! I got here too early!

Stand aside, Knux!

Grrr! Piko Piko Hammeeeeeer!

I'll end this in a single swing!

Careful! he might try to-*errr*-grab you...

Ohhhhhh...!

MAXIMUM HEAT KNUCKLES ATTAAACK!

Stop it right there, hothead!

Convince Tails to call off his assualt, or else. *snap*

AHHH! it hurts!

Grrr...!

I hope I make it in time, go easy on him, Tails.

It's done, now let Amy go.

No, you haven't met the rest of my demands.

What else do you want!?

Uh, I want six tons of metal, seven tons of wiring, three hundred liters of oil, two power plants, one gitantic fortress, um, seven streets named after me, a holiday named after me, a giant statue of me, some children named after me would be nice, and, your undying support, and complete ownership of the master emerald... and five cheeseburgers.

Would you like fries with that?

Yes.

How about a soda?

Diet, I need to maintain my perfect figure.

Okay, I'll see what I can do.

Oh my god, this is ridiculous, the only way the situation could get any worse is if Sonic showed up, then I'd need to protect him on top of those idiots.

Huh?

SOOOOOONIC!

He's here too?

SOOOOOONIC!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Here's a ring, toss it to him so he won't die if he gets hit!

Wiiiill youuu maaarry meeee, Soooooonic...!?

Forget Amy, here comes a better hostage!

AHH-got you!

Get rid of his rings!

Did he drop them?

Fire at will!

Oh, wow! slapping your ass(sss) at us, I'm so scared!

Sonic! make the robot kill itself!

Ha-ha!

Wheeeeee!

YOU IDIOT!

Yeah, bitch! ha-ha-ha-ha-oh...

Eep! ...nooo, not in my face-!

I DID IT!

WHAT!? you did the fucking least!

*wha-wha-whaaaaaa!*

Hi, Doc.

Hi, Sonic, goodbye.

Looks like Team Robotnik's blasting off agaaain...!

Hm-hm-hm!

OH SONIC!

H-hey, Amy...!

It was horrible, wandering around the sewers for hours on end with no one but Knux and rats for company, at one point I thought we'd found Vector, but it wasn't Vector, Sonic, it wasn't! it was a dumb gator and it tried to eat meee!

Sounds like an adventure...

Freeze, you ugly fucks!

Are you... talkin' to me?

Shut your mouth and hit the dirt, get your hands behind your heads before we blast them off and scatter your brains all over your fucking feet.

I'll give you one chance to leave...!

I'll leave when you're dead, asshole.

I knew you were no better than Eggman!

SOOOOOONIC!

Grab the ladder, guys!

Knuckles! come on!

Forget about them, please, Knux!

Rrrrrr-hmph.

WASTE THEM!

That was totally fucking awesome!

Looks like Team Heroes is back together again!

Hey, who's the guy up there with you, Tails!?

My name's Chris Thorndyke!

He's some kid that Sonic met, we're living with him for now.

With a voice like that!? HELL, NO!

What are you doing!?

He'd drive me INSAAANE!

But... you only heard him say two sentences.

Let him go, Chris has been driving me insane.

Knuckles is making the right choice, he wouldn't last a day in the Thorndyke residence, we're gonna stay there for now out of neccesity, but it's only a matter of time before I lose control of myself and paint the place red with Chris' blood...

...he's turning me into a monster, Amy.


	4. Episode 4

Episode Description:

This time around, it's a race for the very first chaos emerald of the series, but, *gasp!*, Chris has to go to school today! and he gets a very special new teacher, can Chris escape the boring dregs of the public education system and rejoin SOOOOOONIC and the others in time? find out, in the fourth exciting episode of The Chris Thorndyke Show!

Episode Script:

So here you guys are, I know it's not much, just a shack.

It's not a shack! it's a distinguished workshop.

Well in any case it's a cramped place to live, only two floors, barely any furniture, there's just one bed for all of you...

...actually, now that I think about it, this place is totally awesome! I should come out here tonight and have a sleepover!

Sorry Chris but if we let you sleep over then the bed would be so cramped that nobody would get any sleep.

OR, how about we just all go sleep in that gigantic house right outside!? CRAZY IDEA, RIGHT!? bet you and your equally stupid voice didn't think of that!

I'm sorry, Amy, but you can't stay in the house, you five are all wanted fugitives now, not that you weren't already being hunted by the government before, but now they're much more serious about it, that Doctor Eggman guy killed over 400 people and wreaked mass destruction all across the city, and for some retarded reason the government nutjobs have declared you all as public enemy number one beside him, so now everybody will be on the lookout to bust you, therefore absolutely no one must learn of your presence here, me and Chris are the only people who can know, if you guys start living in the mansion then the staff can easily discover you, we can't risk that.

Ooh! here's another idea: fire the staff!

These people have worked here since before Chris was born! I'm not gonna suddenly fire them out of nowhere, the place would fall apart without staff anyway, so it's either keep them or replace them, I choose keep.

What about Chris? isn't he wanted? he was in the Tornado right behind me the whole time.

That's the miracle, I guess the cameras never got a good look at the boy or missed him entirely, because he's not on the list anywhere, not even as a mystery figure, I don't know how it happened, but I'm relieved it did, otherwise they'd I-D him in no time and know to come here, the Thorndyke family is extremely famous, we'd all be fucked if they had discovered him.

What do we do now, Chuck? I don't want to just hide here forever, I want to go back to my mother, I want to go home.

I'm sorry, Cream... I'm afraid I don't know how to do that for you right now.

Chaos Control.

Hm?

Chaos Control is what sent us into this world, and it's what's gonna get us back to ours, the chaos emeralds can't teleport something without teleporting themselves with it, they came to this world with us, they're out there somewhere, I'm sure of it, we just need to find them somehow.

What even is a chaos emerald anyway?

Tell 'im, Tails!

It's a gemstone that generates chaos energy, which is the most flexible form of energy known to our world's science, it can be used to do just about anything if handled properly, from powering the tornado to bending the fabric of time and space, despite the name 'chaotic' it is actually not random at all and is quite well understood by the world's leading scientists, such as Doctor Eggman and myself, there is also a master emerald, which is much larger than the chaos emeralds and generates infinite chaos energy, the chaos emeralds also technically produce infinite energy but will only provide so much before shutting down and requiring time to recharge, the master emerald has no such fault but still has a limit on it's maximum output per second, right now the master emerald is likely back on our world due to not being present when the chaos emeralds transported us here.

*yaaawwwn*

Oh, well, I missed most of what you said after science, that was really boring, but don't worry, I get'cha: the chaos emeralds are magic rocks that do strange things for no reason, just like magnets! those sticky things are so weird, in school they tried to tell me that magnets have a north pole and a south pole, but I don't see any snow on them, heh-heh-heh, oh hey! speaking of school, I've got that today, crap, I need to get going!

Oh god please do!

*working noises*

*plane noises*

Alright, what's the report?

Mr. President Roddenberg, we have confirmed beyond a doubt that the small human boy riding in the plane behind this "Tails" person who stopped Doctor Eggman is Christopher Thorndyke, son of the famous Nelson and Lindsay Thorndyke.

The Thorndykes! are you saying that they created these strange animal robot whatever they are things!?

Negative, Sir, the 'Sonic' person attacked Sam Thorndyke's police squadron three nights ago, and I find it hard to believe that Mr. and Mrs. Thorndyke would knowingly allow their precious son to enter a dangerous warzone.

Right now we have no cause to believe that Nelson, Lindsay, or Sam Thorndyke have anything to do with these events with the exception of Sam being a victim of one, we are conducting secret investigations on them just incase, but for right now they appear to be oblivious to young Chris' affiliation with the animals.

At this time we have two theories as to the origin of these creatures, the first is that they were created in secret by none other than the supposedly "retired" scientist, Chuck Thorndyke, father to Nelson and Chris' grandparent, who has expressed interest in conducting entirely private scientific experiments in the past, and has been vocal in his discontentment with our governmental work.

The second theory is that they were created by Doctor Eggman but turned against him, like Crash Bandicoot on Doctor Neo Cortex and Doctor Nitrus Brio, this theory is supported by the fact that Doctor Eggman has shown himself to be personally familiar with them, if this is the case then it is very likely that Chuck Thorndyke convinced them to turn against their creator or has simply befriended them, in either case they are most likely living with him and his grandson at the Thorndyke's Mansion, if they are not staying there, then at the very least Professor Thorndyke should know where they are staying or how to contact them.

Okay, so what's the plan, then? do we arrest the old man and the boy? interrogate them for what they know?

If you wish, Sir, but I do have an alternate plan.

Well, let's hear it.

Christopher is only a boy, and a hopelessly stupid one at that, we could send an undercover agent in as his new kindergarten teacher, get Chris comfortable around him, build trust, with any luck Chris will start sharing secrets with him, let us in on what's going on, at the very least Mr. and Mrs. Thorndyke should invite him to dinner sometime, give him an opportunity to snoop around the mansion, if this plan fails we can always try arresting them later, but right now is when they have their guard down.

Done! *bang* I love this plan!

Of course, I did have a specific man in mind for the job, but he's a convicted criminal, Sir, with a life sentence, and chances are he'll only work for us in exchange for a full pardon and no small sum of cash, but he's a professional, and the only man I personally consider qualified for such an important mission.

Grrr, it's fine just let him have it, Doctor Eggman and these animals need to be dealt with at any cost, we can't risk another missile wrist rampage.

Agreed, Sir, and while we're on the subject...

...Doctor Eggman's base has been discovered on Benedict Island, we're sure he chose it for the irony, we don't know what his defences are so we can't risk launching an attack, but as we speak some of our top spies are secretly landing ashore under the cover of night, they'll be surveying his activity and will radio a warning to us if he tries anything.

Excellent work, Mr. Turnman, you've done your country a great service, I'm grateful.

Thank you, Sir, I will recruit our new agent and brief him on his assignment right away, Christopher Thorndyke will be putty in his soft, wandering hands.

Who is this man anyway?

Well, Sir...

*BOOM*

*theme song*

*baby talk*

And then I told him, "I'm not dumb, I'm so smart that they kept me around to teach me extra things! you're the dumb one, Mr. Second Grade at 7!"

That goes for all of us!

Hey, Chris, how was your weekend?

Uhhh... not amazing, th-that's for sure...!

Attention Class!

I'm afraid there's been a change of plans, Mrs. Mableberry quit unexpectedly this morning, and it seems that she will not be returning for the rest of the school year, as to why she quit I do not know, but she is gone.

*gasssp!*

Luckily however we have already found a replacement, please welcome your new kindergarten teacher, Mr. Franklin Stewart.

Hello, children!

*crickets*

So what were we talking about again?

*shing*

There we go, school's done, and now... my true life can begin...

Here, I come, Sooo-

Excuse me, young man.

Huh!?

Sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help noticing that you're Christopher Thorndyke, correct? the son of Lindsay and Nelson Thorndyke, and grandson of Chuck Thorndyke, the renowned scientist? old Chuck was one of my idols growing up, I simply had to express my excitement at the privilege of teaching his grandchild, you, Christopher.

You... know Grandpa?

Well I've never personally met him before, but he's what inspired me to become a teacher, I'm also a fan of your mother's acting and your father's products, you could say I'm a fan of your whole family.

Gee, uh, thank you, Mr...

It's Mr. Stewart, Chris.

Oh yeah, sorry.

It's fine, I understand that I'm new, it makes sense that you haven't memorized my name yet, but I'm sure you'll get it soon.

Thanks, it's nice to meet you.

It's even nicer to meet _**you.**_

Hmmm!

Now I hope this isn't too rude of me to ask, but do you suppose, maybe, sometime, I could come over to your house for dinner? and get to meet the other Thorndykes?

Uh, well, my birthday's in a few days, all of my family will be there at the party, so I guess maybe you could come then, I'd kind of prefer it if you came another time but this is the only chance you'll have of meeting my parents until whenever they decide to drop by again, so like, I suppose we better not waste the chance...

I see, thank you very much, Chris, I'll be there, what day is it exactly?

The 25th, three days from now, Thursday.

Ahhh! (wait, that's MY birthday... oh this is just too good, .)

Yo' Chris!

Oh no...

Where'ya go'in, nerd!?

Uh, nowhere! stupid Mr. Stewart was just bothering me, fuck off, Mr. Stewart!

Did you ask your dumb fat maid to make the lunch I wanted!?

Y-yes!

Good! then you're gonna watch me eat it, and if I hear you whining like a bitch, then I'm gonna make you eat my shoe! understand!?

Y-yes, Sir!

(Ha-ha-ha-HA...! oh boys, you're so cute, heh-heh-heh, ahhh, but don't you worry, Chris, I'll take care of Danny for you.)

*construction noise*

*ding!*

Whoaaa! what's go'in on!?

*Scottish accent*

Wha-what's happening-ahhhhhh!

I've lost control of 'er, lads, I can't stop it!

Move out of the way! run for your lives!

What are you doing!?

I'm sorray! she got a mind o' her own! ahhhhhh!

Gotta say, Chris, Ella sure does make a mean burger, you're lucky it's making me not feel like kicking your ass right now.

*obnoxious slurping*

Thanks, Danny, I'm grateful for your kindness, thank you again for letting me eat your crappy lunch, I know I don't really deserve it, but like you said, better than throwing it in the garbage, I'm so, so sorry my family is richer than yours, the world is full of injustices like that, I wish my Dad would just get rid of his money or use it to get your Dad out of prison so you wouldn't hate me anymore.

Pah! damn straight.

This is Scarlet Garcia reporting live *TZZ* from the contruction site for the upcoming Thorndyke *TZ* Mall, an excavator has gone haywire after making contact with a mysterious green gem, it's still on the loose tearing through the site behind me, that's right, we journalists put our lives on the line to bring some news to YOU, anyway, the authorities have deemed the gem unsafe to approach, but never fear, viewers, we've talked to one of the construction crewmen and with our resident professional artist he has now switched to constructing an image representation of the mysterious gem.

*now do Cream and Cheese noises*

AHHH!

CHAO-CHAO!

*TZZ*

W-we need to tell the others, Cheese...!

Go away! I don't love you!

Tails! Sonic! Amy!

...huh, wha?

I've found one of the Chaos Emeralds!

Decoe! Bocoe! prepare E-011 Beacon and the Eggmobile for launch! let's go!

We got an emerald, boys! ha-ha-ha-ha!

Colonel Turnman, this is Agent Cuckoo, Big Egg has left the nest, accompanied by one Hard Boiled, over.

With the powarr of the emeralds, I'll be able to create a robot so strong, so unstoppable, not even Tails will be able to defeat it! either that or I'll just use Chaos Control to run away to a world without Tails in it to stop me!

And then he ran away before I could tell him WHERE the emerald exactly is.

Damn it, Sonic, why do you always have to run off without thinking!?

Eh, the city isn't that big, he might've found it just by covering enough ground.

Don't take too many risks out there, Tails! I couldn't bear it if the government caught you.

UGHHHHHH!

Where's that DAMN first Chaos Emerald!?

Hmmmmmm... huh? it's Eggman!

Hm!? Decoe, Bocoe, Bokkun, is that you!?

Ohhh! heh-heh-heh, those maniacs! they're willing to nuke their own city if it'll kill me!

Beacon! disarm those nuclear missiles!

This is just what I needed... if I make the case that I WON'T nuke millions of my own people into oblivion... then everyone will wanna join me over the current government! ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Okay, children, today we will be drawing geometric shapes, I'm going to ask you to draw me a square, and when I look at it, you better have not drawn a rectangle-*GASP*!

What is it, Chris?

Did you draw a rectangle?

What!? no, I, uh, I need to take a piss, Mr. Stewart! a really big one! be back soon...!

Oh, children...

I need to leave for a few minutes, sit still and work quietly until I come back, or else.

Uh-ohhhhhh...

As if I'm gonna miss out on this! FUCK SCHOOL! *breathing*

Hey! there's Tails and Amy, YES, we can still beat Eggy to the emerald, especially if I buy them some time!

Well at least they've finally gotten that damn excavator under control.

*surprised*

I-is that who I think it is!?

Get the camera rolling!

*improv*

Those idiots are gonna trample each other!

Well... time to start the show, let's keep that egghead busy.

Where's that DAMN first Chaos Emerald?

Hm?

I'm coming to stop you...!

Um, okay I guess... alright, Beacon, go show that hedgehog who's boss.

*BAM*-OWWW!

Heh, there goes his rings.

N-nooo...!

Owww...!

This was the worst idea ever! I should never have tried to take him on without Tails...! ahhhhhh! help meeeeee!

SON OF A BITCH! ugh, throw him a new ring!

Don't worry, my love! help is on the way!

AHHHHHH!

Ehmph!

You fucked it up...

I, I'm sorry, Tails... I didn't think it would just stop like that...

Well you need to take the WIND into account!

(I need to get newer, better sidekicks.)

Yesss! heh-heh-heh, with Beacon distracting all of those fools at once, I'm free to retrieve the emerald unhindered!

According to the news it should be somewhere right under this tarp!

(Oh my god, no way.)

(It IS in the very first spot I check!)

Huah!

What!?

So THIS is a Chaos Emerald, huh?

It's beautiful, just like you, Sooonic.

*tap-tap-tap* huh!? *pt* HEY! what the fuuuck!?

Sorry... but this emerald belongs to me, now go away strange little boy that I've never seen before.

You idiot! we met just yesterday! and give me that back, I need it to make Sooonic proud! I'm warning you-*PT*AAAHHHHHH!

Ahhhhhh!

OWWWWWW!

Okay, let's try this shit again! hold it out to him this time!

Oh, shit!

Tails will deal with the robot bird, I've got to stop Eggman from getting away!

Hmm, it's a lot smaller than I remember... all well, doesn't matter.

*groaning*

Heh...!

Do you know what happens to little birds that try to fly before they're ready!?

Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

They FALL!

AHHHHHH, AHHHHHH, ERRRMMM!

Ewww! your moustache feels totally gross-AHHH!

I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS! IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

SUCK ITTTT!

AHHHHHH! HE STOLE THE EMERALD!

Huh?

(And once again an unsuspecting little boy finds his way into becoming trapped in the backseat of my car, never to be seen again.)

Let's do this.

AHHHHHH!

The emerald!

*GASP*!

...it's for the best, I would've been tempted it was just us, I can't jeopardize my mission like that.

Here it is!

Ooooooh!

That's one down, six more to go.

Exactly, Cream!

My world has never known anything like this, for us it's a groundbreaking discovery!

Well in that case, I guess you'll be remembered as the first human to ever study chaos energy.

Hmm! hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm!

Ha! I guess I will, won't I!

Let's get to work!

Hm...

Sonic... did I... do okay?

I mean, not really.

You could've died.

You mean... I sucked!?

Psyche! got you!

Huh!?

I think you did awesome! ...you should do it again!

*Team Rose Theme*

*gasssp!* thanks, Sonic...!

I agree with him... what's a little danger to us adventures? HA-HA-HA-HA!

It's, NOTHING!

*fade*

I ammm... CHRIS THORNDYKE!


	5. Episode 5

Episode Description:

OH-NO! Eggman has convinced everyone's favorite echidna (yeah, fuck you and your fanfic shit, Ken Penders, lulz) that Sonic somehow actually wants to stay in the world with Chris in it! Naturally, Knux hates that idea, so he sets out to beat some sense into the blue blur, and return to the master emerald.  
Also, Chris goes on a train ride and a picnic, but not before finally introducing us to the staff Amy wants to fire.  
All in the fifth exciting installment of The Chris Thorndyke Show!

Episode Script:

UGH!

Muh?

ch!

Whadda want, Robotnik?

...WAAAH! oh, Knuckles, I'm sorry!

I apologize for everything wrong I've ever done, please forgive me, I promise to play nice from now on, just help me, I beg of you!

Uhhh...

The government is going to kill me, only a sliver of my army came to this dimension with us, I'm holding out for now but there's no way I can win.

I'm too billiant to die, don't let them kill me, Knux, this experience has changed my entire outlook on life, I'm tired of war now, all I want is to live out my days in peace, please help me achieve that goal!

I know exactly how we can do it, Chaos Control sent us here, so if we gather the chaos emeralds I could use them to reverse the procress and send us back home, you can return to the master emerald and I'll dedicate my life to science, we can both go back to doing what we love if you and me just work together now.

That uh, sounds pretty good...

I already tried to harmlessly retrieve one emerald from Station Square, but Sonic and this kid with a really annoying voice stole it from me.

Sonic did a Sonic Sez, and apparently Sonic Sez that he's not leaving this world until he's enjoyed everything it has to offer to the fullest... which could take the rest of our lives for all he knows.

And, uh, he thinks your shoes are, like, totally gay or something.

ERRRRRRRRRRRR, he's the one who wears high heels!

That's exactly what I said to him as well! but that smarmy hedgehog just laughed it off and ran away with my emerald, his new bratty sidekick hollaring triumphantly in the god-awful cringe-inducing ruckus-maker he calls vocalization.

(Errrrrrmmm...!)

How you could be friends with them I'll never understand...!

I FUCKING HATE THAT LITTLE TWERP! and now I'm not really very fond of Sonic either!

Forget our past squabbles, Doctor, I'll help you take us all home.

Oh, thank you! I knew you'd come through for me, you most rational echidna.

You're welcome... we'll start by getting your emerald back.

Isn't it beautiful, Grandpa!? I brought that back, I did it, meee!

Well, uh, I think it's important to keep in mind that I wasn't there, and who was it exactly that must've taught you those skills, young man?

*BOOM-BOOM* Master Chuck!?

Fuck!/Huh?

Master Chris!? are you up there too!?

Oh my god what're we gonna do what are we gonna do what are we gonna do!?

Um, uh, well...!

What's with you two? you've been cooped up in this room together for the past three days, only leaving to eat, sleep, or go to school.

Um, I'm learning science?

Hmmm...

I know science is important, but you may want to take some time to learn proper hygene...

*improv*

I don't recognize this stuffy... sure is cute though... is he new?

Y-yeah! he's an early birthday present!

Ahhh! your father I assume.

Huh?

EEP! DON'T TOUCH HIM, HE'S ALL MINE, DO YOU HEAR ME!? MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!

Um, excuse us please, Ella...!

Amy's right! we should just fire her, what do I care if this place falls apart!? it's not my problem, I'll just live in the shack!

What are those idiots doing...

Master Thorndykes? may I ask what is going on?

Huuh! actually, you may NOT, Mr. Miyagi... ha-ha-ha-ha.

Master Chuck, I grow concerned about your social life, perhaps you should attempt to make friends outside of your grandchildren.

Bullshit, Chris is the only friend I need, everyone else is too stupid for my standards-

With all due respect, Sir, Master Chris has been diagnosed with severe mental disability, if he can meet your standards for intelligence then I'm sure you can find many others who do.

How do we know the shmucks who diagnosed Chris aren't the real retards!? maybe my grandson is smarter then we think!

*improv*

haaate...!

Amyyy! what the fuck, you need to watch where you're going you know!

Urrrgh, shut up, Chris! this is important! ...come on, they're showing it on TV!

Nature, mankind's worst enemy, full of dangerous animals, disease infested waters, and of course, no Wi-Fi.

I wanna go there, right now.

Mystic Ruins? that's not far from Station Square, we just need to ride the express!

Ohhh, Sonic! guess what!?

What?

We're going to Mystic Ruins! it'll be so romantic...!

Romance makes me sick...

Ehhh, I think I'll stay here.

What!? but this place sucks!

There's, uh, gonna be chilli dogs at the ruins.

Not hungry right now.

Ugh, whatever! come on, more chilli dogs for us!

But if Sonic isn't gonna be there to suduce then what the fuck's even the point anymore?

There's the fact that I wanna go.

You don't need me for that!

No! I fuckin' don't, do I!?

Ha! look at the retard and his toys!

Grow the hell up, kid!

Guuuys, I really don't like this.

Stop whining like a bitch and suck it up!

But Taaails!

We are going to those ruins and we are going to have fun-ACK.

Hey, Mommy! there's a kid here with a voice exactly like mine! isn't that amazing, Mommy!? now I'm not alone in this world anymore, there's another one right here with these two stuffed animals-AHHHHHH!

WAAAAAAH-oh hey! my voice is normal now! oh my god, it's a miracle...!

HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE, SOOOOOONIC!

Oh-no...

MESSAGE FOR YOU. Enjoy!

Listen, high-heeled hog, I know you have a choas emerald, as guardian of the master emerald I have a right to it, I challenge you to a Fight in the Mystic Ruins, where there's no people around to worry about, winner takes the emerald, show up within the hour, or I'll come to you, and then things won't be so safe for the people around us, including that kid of yours.

Now if I were you I would put this thing down before it blows up.

*improv*

They're called soap shoes, Knucklehead...!

*distant yodelling*

Okay, guys, let's dig into this picnic!

Danny didn't bring any crappy lunch for me today, so I'm super hungry.

Chris, have you ever actually even _tried_ to do anything to help your bully situation?

Well I did try to get him a girlfriend... but that just ended with her joining us while he did it, now the three of us are a trio and share the same classroom table, the same lunch table, and just kinda hang together between classes.-PSSSHHH!

DAAAAAAHHHHHH!

RUN! OUTTA MAH WAY! OUTTA MAH WAY!

*improv*

That's Eggman!

*chuckling unlike Knuckles*

Fuck off, I don't have the emerald on me anymore!

Eh-eh-eh!

I'm pretty sure the plan is to trade us for the emerald, Chris.

Wha!?

Actually this is all just a happy accident, I had no idea that you three would be here today.

Well then what's your plan!?

That's Knuckles!

Hey, buddy!

You bring the emerald?

It's nearby, you don't have to worry about it... did you notice all the flowers? sure are nice, you know, you could get a wiff too if you want, it's rare that we get to experience something so sweet.

Not interested, thanks.

That's a shame, they're spring flowers, summer's on it's way and they won't be around for long, now could be your only chance.

Stop stalling around! I don't have time for this nonsense, either give up the emerald or prepare yourself to fight!

So impatient and uptight, Knuckles... now I'm convinced you need a break!

I need to break one of your fucking legs if you don't start taking this seriously!

Your threats are even gayer than your shoes!

*improv forever*

Hey, is that Eggman!?

*improv some more*

NOOO! not the water! not the water! ahhhhhh!

...

It, uh, doesn't quite work like it did before, you see.

Anyway! I'm just getting warmed up!

Hrkph! I'll do this all day if need be.

All-right! I can see them again!

Soon Sonic will fall and Tails will be left without a sidekick!

Soooooonic.

I would make a pretty good sidekick.

What do you think, Tails?

Done, I win..

Huh!?

What'are you doing down there?

I just fucking got us free, that's what I done.

Ooh! is it a secret tunnel!?

*breathes* No, Chris... it's the inner workings of E-047 Pumpty, the robot we're inside.

Ooh! sounds vulnerable!

NO! I can rewire him to work for us!

AH! panty shot!

Huh?

FUCKING COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!

It was him.

You coward!

This counts as forfeit!

Just gimme five minutes, Dude.

*GAAASP*! I'm sorry I fucked up!

Pumpty seems to be suffering from a horrible case of indigestion, let's fix that, shall we?

*shocked screaming from Eggman*

I'm bleeding! ugh...!

Guess I came after all.

Thank you, sexy Jesus!

Oh my fucking god... the Sonic is Jesus thing is the dumbest shit I've ever seen.

It's still not done! seriously!?

Behold, the glory and resilience of the Eggman Empire!

No mercy.

Sidekick! you're exposed!

Huh?

You told me you were done with the Eggman Empire! remember!?

Ah fuuuuuuuuuuuuck I didn't want it to come to this, I lied, okay!? I want the powarrr! the world is mine to command, all it's people will obey meee!

OWWW!

Now it's time for the happy accident to bear it's fruit, either surrender the emerald, or they all die! make your choice, hedgehog!

B-but his words seemed so genuine at the time, it all made so much sense...

Remember when we first met, Knuckles?

I remember punching you out of your Super Form.

Well yeah, but other than that.

Oh yes, what great times those were... but that's quite enough reminicsing about days gone by! right now, it's time to make your choice, Sonic!

Yeeeah, uh, about that...

...fuck.

Come on, Chris, get up.

You're the best, Sonic!

Sooo FAST! *crying*

Um, are you hurt, Amy?

OH SONIC OGILVIE HEDGEHOG, I WANT YOUR BABIEEEEEES!

Guys! we need to move! - Huh?

Ahhhhhh!

Pumpty can take more punishment than almost any other robot in my army! this guy is FULL OF SURPRISES! ha-ha-ha-ha!

Behold the POWARRR of his RYNO 5 mode!

We're fucked, we're fucked, we're fucked, we're fucked, we're fucked, we're fucked, we're fucked.

Errrrrrah! fool me twice, shame on me...

Ooh!

*improv*

(It was at this moment that I realized this was all a horrible mistake.)

Fuck...

Shit-rock!

Looks like Team Robotnik's blasting off agaaain!

OWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Knuckles! noooooo!

That was cool! - Soniiiiiiiiiiiic, I love you!

Knuckles!

Come baaack!

So I'm guessing now that Eggman's taken care of for the time being, you're gonna want to take the train ride back to Chris' place in Station Square with us?

We'll have to share a bed, but that just means we get to have fun throwing a slumber party, there'll be pizza, and pillowfights, and scary stories-NOT INTERESTED.

Hrmph, later.

...hey, Tails?

What?

Why didn't we just fly here in the Tornado instead of taking the train?

...

AHHHHUUUGGGHHH!


End file.
